Teach Children How To Recognize Abuse In Others And Who To Tell

A brief overview of mandated reporting on why it's so important to include the children in this. Think: who do kids usually tell first?

TW child abuse but with a good ending. Informative post on mandating reporting.

TEACH CHILDREN TO RECOGNIZE ABUSE IN OTHERS, TOO. TEACH THEM TO TELL A GROWNUP THEY TRUST

I was just responding to someone who questioned whether or not they were in the right for reporting on children who were being mistreated and I pointed out that any person with knowledge of it has an absolute mandate to report. It doesn't matter who the abuser is. We have to protect children. If we know about it and we don't do anything, it is the exact same as abusing them directly.

There's a reason that we criminalize knowing something bad is happening/has happened and not doing anything about it. There is a reason why we have mandated reporters and in the state of Arizona that's anyone who knows about it:
Any person who reasonably believes that a minor is or has been the victim of physical injury, abuse, child abuse, a reportable offense or neglect that appears to have been inflicted on the minor by other than accidental means or that is not explained by the available medical history as being accidental in nature, or who reasonably believes that there has been a denial or deprivation of necessary medical treatment or surgical care or nourishment with the intent to cause or allow the death of an infant who is protected under A.R.S. § 36-2281, shall immediately report or cause reports to be made of this information to a peace officer or to Department of Child Safety, except if the report concerns a person who does not have care, custody or control of the minor, the report shall be made to a peace officer only.

FIND OUT WHAT THE MANDATED REPORTER LAWS ARE IN YOUR STATE (link)

It is extremely important that every adult educate themselves on what does or does not constitute child abuse, how to recognize the signs, how adults ask children/gather information without influencing their answer, who to tell, and what information they'll need (names, dates, etc). Then we teach that to children. Not only so that they are empowered to tell if something is happening to them, but teaching them what it looks like in others can protect their friends. Kids tell things to other kids that they will never tell a grown up.

My life is better because an adult in my life knew that he had a mandate to protect children. He knew that children needed to know what child abuse looks like. So he talked to us about it. I had this music teacher for all four years of middle school. He told us how he was hurt as a child and how he didn't know who he could tell. He told us that we can tell him and he will believe us. He told us over and over that if one of our friends is being hurt we can tell him and he will believe us and he will help.

You have to understand how extremely radical this was in the early 90s, particularly as a civilian contractor working on a military installation overseas. You're going to see how seriously they took protecting children and you'll see how much of a risk he was taking.

It can take time because I first had this teacher in 5th grade and it wasn't until 8th grade that anyone told him. It was yet another day where I was venting to my friends about being afraid to go home. I knew that when I went home, I was going to be what is legally considered beaten. It went well beyond a spanking. Probably for something school related such as homework or grades, (One contributing factor: we were unaware I'm ADHD, so my grownups were extremely fed up thinking that it was just me not wanting to “behave”. However that also gives you an idea as to how often they got “frustrated”/abusive. We’re never not ADHD, are we? 💅)

A girl I wasn't even particularly friends with got up and she said “I'm so sick of this”. She marched across the courtyard and immediately told our teacher. This little 13-year-old girl in 1993 was empowered enough to speak on behalf of someone that she didn't even particularly like. No animosity but we always kind of rubbed each other wrong. Plus, I didn't do so well with social cues so I was definitely one of the class “weirdos”.

Yet because grown ups in her life told her what abuse is, told her that it's safe to tell, she did. Because those grown-ups knew what child abuse was, because those grown ups knew that we all have to protect all children, they told her and they protected me.

She told the teacher who simply asked me if it was true. I told him it was and he said that if I want his help, he's there for me. I thought about it throughout the rest of the school day and I was brave enough to go to the school counselor directly after the last bell. Guess who was already there. He stayed with me while the counselor and I talked about it. Inevitably when there was physical evidence again within a week or so, they were both right there by my side.

What kind of life would I have had if she hadn't spoken up? Now it was not some magical fix. The military basically did nothing except send us to 6 weeks of family counseling that did nothing but make me feel a lot worse, and my dad barely got any kind of administrative action*. What his wife was doing to me was never addressed. It was only enough to make them stop hitting me. It didn't stop anything else, but at least I was physically safer.

What kind of mother would I have been to my daughter? What kind of mother would she be to her newborn daughter?

This teacher has an extremely distinctive name so I was able to find him maybe 15 years ago. I sent him a letter thanking him for the difference he made in my life. Recognizing that he was a huge step in Breaking generational curses and recognizing the mother I could never have been without him. Do you know he didn't even remember it? He remembered me as I was a student for 4 years (and I'm kinda memorable 😉), but he literally doesn't remember changing my life. It was just another day at work for him.

Do you know that he didn't just change my life? He didn't just change my daughter's life? That he changed the life of every child whose life I changed? Every child who was being mistreated and I stepped in? Every time I gave my statement to the authorities in my capacity as a child development professional and in my personal life? Do you know how many generations will be affected…

… all because a grown up knew child abuse was, knew to educate us, and knew to make himself a safe person to tell.

How many generations can you change?

*I'm former Air Force, too, so I asked as an adult. I know exactly little they did. He didn't even get a Letter of Admonishment which is a “now, now don't be naughty”. He got a Memorandum For Record which is basically “we are simply documenting this happened.”

©️ Libby Rahl. May only be shared with proper credit